OtakuOh!
by BushNinjaMokuba
Summary: DMG-tan, moe Bakura, and a hidden BL path? When Pegasus announces his entry into the dating sim industry, Seto Kaiba refuses to be left behind. But when Yugi and his friends get involved, only chaos can ensue!
1. Chapter 1

A prologue for a new series I'm working on. I hope you guys enjoy it - a general story with a little tongue-in-cheek humor that came about when I tried to make a Yu-Gi-Oh visual novel as a joke. I still may try the YGO VN for fun, but for now, I hope you'll enjoy this adventure Yugi and company take into hardcore Otakudom.

* * *

The phone in Seto Kaiba's home office continued to ring, despite his instructions that he not be bothered. He was working on a Duel Disk upgrade, one to enhance the realism of the monsters as much as possible – short of them being real. Rival CEO Pegasus Crawford had been meeting with several heavy hitters throughout the business world in secret, but had not escaped Seto's attention. 

The phone had stopped ringing.

_He's up to something, and there's no way in hell I'll let him pull the rug out from underneath me…_ Seto gritted his teeth as he switched on the Duel Disk he had been tweaking. Detaching the data input cable from the Duel Disk, he opened a briefcase full of cards, reaching for one that depicted a fierce white drag-

_RIIIIIIIIING!_

"WHAT IS IT?!" he bellowed into the receiver, the Duel Disk and briefcase tumbling into the floor, cards scattering everywhere.

"S-sir, I'm s-s-sorry!" the voice on the other end sputtered.

"I told you not to interrupt me! Now what is it that could be so important that you'd be willing to lose your job over it?"

"S-sir, I-I…it's just-it's…"

"It's what?"

"It's PEGASUS, sir. O-on the TV. Ch-channel 4. He bought air time during this week's romance drama broadcast to make a live-announcement."

_Channel 4 sold him time during a drama!? This IS serious!_ Seto switched on the TV and hung up the phone, not even hearing his employee plead for his job.

There sat Pegasus in his office chair, chatting happily with the camera as if it were an old friend.

"And so I said to myself, Industrial Illusions needs to make a comeback…but a comeback for the 21st century…as we all know, no one plays card games anymore."

Seto shot a glance at the Duel Disk lying on the floor, then promptly burst into laughter. "Pegasus, you fool!"

"Now I'm sure there are some naysayers coughKaibaboycough…"

Seto merely rolled his eyes.

"But those naysayers will just be left in the past. For it's not card games that the youth of today desire. No, it's not that at all. For who would want to duel with Dark Magician Girl when-"

The image on the screen switched to a solid pink background, and the Dark Magician Girl, now smaller and more wide-eyed, popped onscreen and giggled.

"They could date her instead?"

Dark Magician Girl dropped her wand and her eyes grew large. Beneath her, a box appeared with the phrase "Introducing DMG-tan!" in bubbly pink letters.

"Isn't Dark Magician Girl-tan just FABULOUS?!" Pegasus cooed from off-camera. "And with that, allow Industrial Illusions to announce its entry into the dating sim market!"

Seto leaned on his desk for support, speechless with a vacant expression.

"What…in God's name…was THAT?!"

"BIG BROTHER!" Mokuba burst through the door "did you see Pegasus' interview?"

"Yes I saw it. It seems like the fool is hammering the final nail in his own company's coffin." Seto unleashed a cackle.

"I think the people on the internet would disagree with you, big brother."

Seto glanced at his brother, whose face was quite serious. "What's wrong with you, Mokuba? It's PEGASUS we're talking about here. That senile old fool isn't even remotely a threat to us - or anyone. Besides, he's moving out of the card games market - what he does doesn't matter to us anymore."

"But, you've gotta look at Industrial Illusions' forums! People are going NUTS over this stuff!" Mokuba rushed past his brother and hopped into his desk chair, minimizing the program Seto was working in and opening the web browser. "I can't remember the last time OUR site got this much traffic."

Seto put his hand to his forehead.

_It's going to be a long night._

* * *

And there you have it, folks. With Pegasus' entry into the dating sim market, will Kaiba do anything about it? And where will the King of Games play into all of this? As always, critiques welcome! 


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't care what he's doing, his little 'announcement' just means he's chickening out of the card game market." Seto scoffed as he walked over to the window.

"You don't sound too sure of that, brother." Mokuba said flatly. Seto growled quietly. If there was anyone he couldn't fool, it was his brother.

Despite how ridiculous Pegasus' press stunt had seemed, it still left him with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had no real intention of entering the video game market any time soon, let alone such a niche market as…as…dating sims. He couldn't help but sneer at the thought.

_Still…_

* * *

"Make the eyes bigger and cuter." Pegasus was leaning over the shoulder of the only remaining artist in his new studio as the artist erased and re-drew furiously on his tablet. Aside from himself and Pegasus, the office was empty – the rest of the artist team had gone home for the night. But Pegasus hung on to this one boy – a recent animation school grad – for what he'd called a "special project".

"Bigger!" Pegasus coached the boy enthusiastically, his hands clasped on the boy's shoulders.

"Sir, if they get any bigger, she'll be able to blink her face-"

"Listen, boy-"

"My name's Yuuya, sir."

"OK, Yuuya," Pegasus spun Yuuya's chair around so that they were facing each other and knelt down to eye level, "What was it that made you choose animation school?"

"Well…I guess 'cause I like anime and manga."

"Any specific works or genres?"

"Well…I like action. Like the shonen stuff…"

"Anything else?"

"Well…" Yuuya turned away, his cheeks turning a bright red, "I like…harems and romances."

"And what is it about those series that you like?"

Yuuya avoided his gaze. "Well…there's always so many cute girls and-"

Pegasus stopped him there and echoed the word "cute girls" excitedly. He grabbed Yuuya's hand and whisked him out of the chair. He bounded over to a poster of Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl and pushed Yuuya's face close to the poster.

"Now, thinking about those 'cute girls', what do you see here?"

"Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl?" Yuuya blinked.

"What potential do you see in her, boy? Tap into your harem knowledge…this is your big chance to make a splash in the genre you've always enjoyed."

Yuuya's eyes began to widen.

"Now look at her – really look at her – and what do you see?"

Yuuya's face got red and his eyes began to water. "I see DMG-tan – she's so naïve and clumsy – DMG-tan, you really try hard to keep up with Dark Magician, but your spells fail and so does your cooking. You always seem to burn things, but I don't mind, especially when you make those cute pouty faces…what's that? You baked me cookies?"

Pegasus, who had originally been beaming at the thought that he finally reached Yuuya, was beginning to look disturbed. He grabbed Yuuya's shoulders and began shaking him. Yuuya finally looked up at Pegasus, his eyes filled with a new resolve and energy that gave Pegasus the chills.

"Sir, I've seen her. I've seen DMG-tan. And now it's time to share her with the rest of the world." He clenched his fist.

"So, can I expect a demo within the next few days?"

"You can expect it tomorrow, sir." Yuuya looked intently into Pegasus' eyes. "I won't let you down."

"Tomorrow?" Pegasus tried to hide his amusement, but Yuuya was already yelling into a phone for the scenario writer to come back to work.

_I knew I made the right choice in hiring all Otaku._ Pegasus rubbed his hands together and grinned as, moments later, the other head development staff (many of them also recent graduates) filtered through the door and to their desks, excitedly bantering back and forth about DMG-tan.

* * *

Hope y'all enjoyed that chapter. Let me make it clear that I have no intentions of insulting harem, moe, or dating sim fans.

And for those of you to whom terms like "-tan" and "moe" are foreign, hang in there. The cast will be offering you their own definition in the next chapter or so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes** – Yes, I'm keeping Joey, Tristan, and Tea's dub names – sorry, I'm just used to them.

Thanks to all those who've put the story on alert, I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"This one had me bawling like a baby." Joey said as he slid his computer's CD drive shut. 

"A baby you say? Doesn't sound too out of character to me…" Tristan grinned.

"SHUT UP! If you're such a big man, why do you have to come to my place to play these games?" Joey growled.

"I find them more enjoyable in a group setting." Tristan folded his arms and nodded.

"Then why do you have most of them for the PS2?"

"I don't like wasting all that hard drive space with 'games'." Tristan avoided Joey's glare.

"And why do you always want me to skip to the—"

"All right, all right." It didn't take much for Tristan to get upset over this subject. He lowered his eyes. "It's because my mom only lets me get the PS2 censored versions."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"I said 'IT'S BECAUSE MY MOM ONLY LETS ME GET THE ALL AGES VERSIONS!'"

"Oh really? What a shame!" Joey tried to contain his amusement and pretend like he had heard this for the first time. "Well, shall we begin?"

A window opened and a bouncy Japanese pop tune began playing as still images of colorful, large-eyed girls flashed across the screen.

"Misuzu-taaaan…" Joey's eyes widened and drool began to form at the edge of his mouth.

Tristan groaned. "You weirdo – it's morons like you who give dating sim fans a bad—MINAGI-CHAN! Oh…I'd blow bubbles with her any day…"

The boys passed the rest of the morning in a dream-like state, lulled by the calm background music and only moving to click the mouse and summon the next block of dialogue.

The background music was occasionally accompanied by voice acting and some in-game sound effects – alarm clocks, doors opening and closing, footsteps up stairs, the repetitive sound of knocking on a door-

"This game is so realistic…" Tristan breathed.

Even though only Misuzu's image was displayed, a muffled, high-pitched male voice called from somewhere.

"Gaooo…" Joey read the text in the dialogue box almost hypnotically.

"Gao?" a voice seemed to call from somewhere around Joey…somewhere…behind him…

Without hesitation, Joey spun his chair around and pounced toward the sound of the voice, crying out "Misuzu-chan! I knew you'd come to me! I'll never let you goooooo!"

But the "Misuzu" Joey clung to began to pummel him with "her" tiny fists.

"You damn well better let him go, Joey Wheeler, or you'll have me to deal with!"

"You know my name?" Joey cooed before his trance-like state was shattered by a sharp blow to the right side of his head, sending him flying sideways, still trying to cling on to "Misuzu".

Joey rubbed his head bitterly. "You all right, Misu-" he stopped short as his eyes finally focused and he was able to see that it had been his petite friend Yugi Moto whom he'd been clinging onto the entire time.

"Uhhh…sorry Yug…I…uh…I was just surprised…yeah, that's right, SURPRISED that you would have the NERVE to barge into my room!" Joey had gone from stumbling over his embarrassment to feigned anger in a matter of seconds.

"The _nerve_?!" Tea glared. "Do you have any idea how long we were knocking on the door?"

"Who's Misuzu?" Yugi asked, dusting himself off.

"Did you two forget we were all supposed to meet downtown? Yugi and I were waiting for-"

"Misuzu is Joey's 2-D moe girlfriend. See?" Ignoring Tea, Tristan pointed to the girl onscreen.

Joey's face got bright red. "I dunno what you're talking about!"

"What's moe?" Yugi asked, peering at the screen for a moment.

Tristan leapt from his chair and pulled Joey to his feet. The two of them stood with a renewed air of confidence and gazed down their noses at Yugi.

"Well, aren't you in luck?" Joey grinned.

"For you've come to the right place if you want to learn all there is to know about moe." Tristan thumped his chest.

"We've even got pictu-" Joey turned to his computer and to his horror, saw Tea hold in the on/off switch until the computer shut down. Misuzu's image appeared to be sucked into the center of the screen before disappearing. Tea turned back to them, her glare intense.

"Get your shit together, we're leaving, NOW."

Joey dropped his head close to Yugi's ear. "Yug, this is an example of what moe is NOT."

"I SAID NOW!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note** – Thanks to Fleeting Illicit Delicious, mystralwind, and Nagael for the reviews so far!

* * *

"Well, I guess she could qualify as something of a tsundere…" Tristan scratched his head thoughtfully. 

"What's a tsundere?" Yugi glanced up at Joey and Tristan curiously.

"Well that wouldn't work unless-" Joey came to a complete halt, causing Yugi to bump into him. His eyes met Tristan's.

"-unless her anger was to hide her intense love for one of us." Tristan finished and he and Joey slowly pivoted to look back at Tea. Bringing up the rear of the group, she didn't appear to be listening.

"WHAT?!" Yugi's jaw dropped and he glared sharply up at the two boys, both significantly taller than him. "She couldn't –T-tea wo-wouldn't—WHAT IN THE WORLD IS A TSUNDERE?!"

"You really need to learn to tune them out, Yugi." Tea continued walking leisurely. "I have, and my life's the better for it."

"T-Tea likes J-Joey and T-Tristan?" Yugi's face was bright red now.

"You just have to say that because it's out of character for you to let the object of your affection know your true feelings." Joey grinned at Tea.

"I'll show you out of character!" Tea reared back her hand and slapped Joey in the face.

"I've never experienced a Tsundere-slap before!!" Joey called as he toppled to the ground.

"Don't get so mad, Tea. I actually think you'd look good in a pair of twin tails." Tristan said.

"Do you want some of this too?"

"Well actually…"

"T-T-Tea l-likes…" Yugi's eyes were bulging.

_Wow, you're a complete wreck. Better take over before you have a heart attack and kill us both. _A deeper voice said as a transparent figure appeared and began floating next to Yugi. The figure looked very similar to Yugi, except slightly taller, with a different hairstyle and slightly more mature face.

"Yugi, what are you worked up about?" Tea asked, kneeling down next to him and putting her hand gently on the back of his head. He gasped and jumped a bit, then quickly relaxed his shoulders. Tea pulled her hand away in shock as he rose to his feet, standing somewhat taller than before.

"Oh-sorry Pharaoh." Tea blushed a bit.

"No problem, thought I'd swap him out before his heart exploded."

"Before whose heart exploded?" a soft male voice asked from behind. The Pharaoh turned to see a boy with light-colored, messy hair.

"Hey Bakura, about time you got here. Say, which do you prefer – Tsunderes or glasses girls?" Tristan asked, throwing his arm around Bakura.

"Tuna-what?" Bakura looked puzzled.

"Yeah, which kinda moe girl do you go for?" Joey appeared on the other side of Bakura, nudging him with his elbow.

"Moe?"

"Oh great, not again…" Tea groaned, walking further ahead and dragging the Pharaoh along by his sleeve.

"Bakura, where exactly did you transfer from again? Mars?"

"Yeah come on, you know what moe is! You know, that feeling of warmth you get from seeing your favorite type of girl." Joey said, his eyes sparkling.

"You mean like how I feel when I see Paula Abdul's cheerful smile encouraging people who can't sing on the TV?" Bakura replied softly.

"No, no, no! I meant like an anime or game girl, and one who's adorable!"

"Wait, wait, wait, Paula Abdul can totally be moe!" Tristan glared.

"No she can't!"

"Dude, she's Paula freaking Abdul, she can be anything she wants."

"Look, Bakura," Joey turned away from Tristan, "it can't be moe if there's any kind of attraction of a sexual nature involved…"

"What about eroge?" Tea chimed in.

"Oh-ho! Didn't know you were into such things, Miss Prim and Proper!" Tristan shot back at Tea.

"What's an eroge?" the Pharaoh struggled to pull away from Tea's firm grip, to which she responded by clenching her hand around his wrist even tighter.

"Glad you asked, my good Pharaoh…"

"NO NO and NO! I am SICK of hearing all of this geek talk!" Tea growled.

"Geek talk?!" Joey snorted. "Why Tea, you're starting to sound a little like a certain stuck-up rich boy I know."

"Am I? Well hanging around with him watching the Stock Exchange would be more fun than listening to you two morons go back and forth all day!"

"Oh would it? Well why don't you just go do that, then!" Joey snarled.

"Maybe we will!" Tea yelled back, and quickened her pace, still gripping the Pharaoh's arm.

"Hey, what's an eroge?" The Pharaoh repeated as he and Tea slowly separated from Joey and Tristan.

"Man, she probably would make a good tsundere." Tristan said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, if she wasn't such a bitch. There's no redeeming lovey-dovey aspect to her whatsoever." Joey rolled his eyes.

The two boys continued onward, not realizing that they were missing something.

Still frozen in place far behind the others, Bakura stared blankly after them.

"I-I-I never meant to imp-imply anything improper about her! I just like her smile—that's all! Honest!"

* * *

**Author's Note Part Two –** I realize a lot of people will still be confused regarding some of these terms – Wikipedia and many other sites have real definitions on them, the ones given here are more for the purposes of this story and in no way all-encompassing. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes -** Thanks again for the reviews! As always, I appreciate the feedback! As a little side-note, I have no idea if a tagline like the one Seto sees really appears on the Sister Princess box.

* * *

Seto was seated at the computer in his home office when he heard Mokuba call "I'm home" from somewhere far beyond the door. He looked up in time to see Mokuba and Roland burst through the door, then nodded and returned to his work. Both Mokuba and Roland were out of breath, but Mokuba charged his brother's desk and slammed down a pile of small, colorful boxes, most with the words "Not for Minors Under 18" printed on the covers. 

"How was school?" Seto asked nonchalantly, his eyes not leaving the computer screen.

"Who could go to school when we have all this research to do if we're gonna keep up with the competition?" Mokuba shoved a few boxes across the desk at his brother.

"You need to go to school – you don't have many absences left, you know." Seto ignored his brother's last outburst.

"You're not listening! Forget about all that! We've gotta start studying up so we can make our debut before Pegasus does!"

Seto looked up at Roland, who immediately looked away. "I pay you more than enough to make sure he makes it the twenty miles to school and back safely."

"Y-yes sir…"

"SETO!" Mokuba growled as he tore around the desk and tackled his brother in his chair, grabbing his brother's arms excitedly as he spoke. "STOP IGNORING ME!"

"I'm not ignoring you. I heard you announce your truancy loud and clear. As your guardian and CEO of KaibaCorp, I'll have you know-"

"You _aren't_ listening! We've _got_ the card games market in the palm of our hands-"

"-that if you don't complete your schooling-"

"-we need to branch out and try new things! I'm Vice President-"

"-you will not be able to continue your position in this company-"

"-just because I'm younger doesn't mean I don't know what's good for our company-"

"-and you will be put up for adoption."

Mokuba stopped and looked up at his brother, who merely said, "So can I talk now without all of this dating sim foolishness, Mokuba?"

"That wasn't funny!" Mokuba yelled and ran off, scooping up his games and snatching the bags Roland was holding as he went along. One toppled out of his hands, but he didn't stop to pick it up.

"Mokuba! You know I didn't mean it! I just want you to shut up about this dating sim malarkey!" Seto called after him, then reclined in his chair, rubbing his head.

Roland slowly started lowering to pick up the dropped game, but Seto spotted him out of the corner of his eye.

"Let me see that damned thing."

"Oh – uh, it's just…"

"I said, let me see it."

"Y-yes sir." Roland slowly stood up and approached Seto's desk. Seto snatched the game from Roland's hand and began reading the cover allowed.

"'12 girls, some cute, some naughty, all wanting your attention, big brother!' What a bunch of-"

He stopped as his eyes drifted past the girls, past the title _Sister Princess,_ down to a block of text towards the bottom, in bold, large print.

"This game may be fun, but is not intended for big brothers under 18!'" Seto took a breath after reading that last part and his eyes slowly drifted up to Roland, who had been edging slowly towards the door.

"Roland."

"Y-yes, sir?"

"Wonder what store clerk would be dense enough to mistake Mokuba for a 'big brother over 18'?"

"I-I wonder that as well, sir."

"Roland, are you familiar with the Help Wanted section of the newspaper?"

Roland gulped.


End file.
